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OCTOBER IS NATIONAL DOMESTIC ABUSE AWARENESS MONTH

Rev. Dorrette St John

As we go this month of October lets pray for those young and old who have been and still going thru Domestic Violence. Let’s educate our Girls and Boys that it is not ok. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Starts with:

Oh baby you are so sweet

You are just what I need in my life

I love you

The compliments stop verbal assaults and criticism starts and let’s not forget taking credit for everything around you that look good, taste good and smell good

Then:

The first shove or slap: Followed by the persuasive and sorrowful apology and: I, I love you…….

We hide: Fear, Humiliation, and Confusion

We hold on because we believe: He is full of remorse; He is not like what they say. When he is not mad he is a good man. The kids need him (even though all they see is anger) we make excuses, till we believed them. We cover up the pain and even take the blame we reject family and friends; we don’t want any one in our business.

Feeling trapped: we approach and confide in an elder, friend or family hoping for some support and encouragement,

However: Most often we feel more trapped than before, they make us feel the abuse was due to our own lack of submissiveness, and sinfulness Feeling lost…….

One day! We will get tired and find a friend named Grace! (The Grace of God) and pour our heart out; and suddenly will feel comfort. Listen to the quiet still voice start searching at scriptures Replace, us, you, thee, thine and thou, with your name and make them come alive within you. I realized!, Mothers, fathers’ Grandmothers and all care givers. Most abuse starts from home, abusers see it and experience it there first. Where there is no true spiritual guidance, respect and love stubbornness, and rebelliousness takes over Mothers -teach your daughters about respect so when they meet their boo’s they won’t accept their blows, when you daughters see you being abused they will accept it as being normal. Fathers -show respect and self-control and tell your sons that is part of being a man. Brothers and sisters let‘s be accountable for each other. In our communities, abuse incidents have been increasing as well as those who cover it up; and unfortunately we have been conditioned to turn to authorities (The World) for help,

Helping communities are the responsibilities of the church. It time to step forward and take on our responsibility by force. Recognize that domestic violence is a sin and we must become proactive in all aspects, including substance abuse which often times lead to domestic violence.

1Jo 3:18 My little children, do not let our love be in word and in tongue, but let it be in act and in good faith.

Speak wisely and listen. Be careful not to chastise, you are dealing with broken spirits and do not put our own agenda in.

Col 4:6 Let your talk be with grace, mixed with salt, so that you may be able to give an answer to everyone.

Recognize your purpose while you help

Peace each time one person suffers, we all hurt Any act that causes hurt does not reflect love.

Rev. Dorrette St John

3/2008

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According to former

Attorney General Janet Reno,

“Too many American women live in fear of the very people upon whom they depend for love and affection. Instead of providing refuge, the walls of many homes serve as prison bars.”
 

Physical battering: The abuser’s attacks or aggressive behavior can range from bruising to murder. It often begins with what is excused as trivial contacts which escalate into more frequent and serious attacks (this can include the abuse of household pets).

Sexual abuse: Physical attack by the abuser is often accompanied by, or culminates in, sexual abuse where the woman is forced to have sexual intercourse with her abuser, or to engage in unwanted sexual activity.

Psychological battering: The abuser’s psychological or mental abuse can include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, fault-finding, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources, and destruction of personal property.

BATTERING ESCALATES. It often begins with behaviors like threats, name calling, abuse in your presence (such as punching a fist through a wall) and/or damage to objects or pets. It may escalate to restraining, pushing, kicking, slapping, pinching, tripping, biting, throwing, or grabbing. Finally, it may become life-threatening with serious behaviors such as choking, breaking bones, or the use of deadly weapons. (Remember, ANY household item can be used as a dangerous weapon!)

SOME FACTS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE

****Every woman is at risk for becoming a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence has no regard for socio-economic status, race, ethnicity, religion, employment status, physical ableness, age, education, marital status, or sexual orientation. In fact, being FEMALE is the only significant risk factor for being a victim of domestic violence.

****The U.S. Department of Justice indicates that women are twice as likely to be murdered by their domestic partners as men


 

AN ACT OF DOMESTIC ABUSE OCCURS EVERY 12 SECONDS IN THE U.S.

Does your partner… _____ Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family? _____ Put down your accomplishments or goals?     _____ Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?     _____ Use intimidation of threats to gain compliance?     _____ Tell you that you are nothing without them?     _____ Treat you roughly – grab, push, pinch, shove, or hit you?     _____ Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you are?     _____ Use alcohol or other drugs as an excuse for saying or doing hurtful things to you?     _____ Blame you for how they feel or act?     _____ Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for or don’t want to do?     _____ Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?     _____ Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with your friends and family?     _____ Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight?

Do you…   _____ Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act? _____ Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?     _____ Believe that you can help your partner change if you changed something about yourself?     _____ Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?     _____ Feel like, no matter what you do, you partner is not happy with you?     _____ Always do what your partner wants to do, instead of what you want to do?     _____ Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what he/she will do if you broke up? If any of these are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without some help, the abuse will continue.

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If you are a survivor I would love to hear your story feel free to email me.

If you are struggling and need help please feel free to email me