Xtrememeasure

THE ROOM

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. "I wowed 'em," he later told his father, Bruce. "It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote.." It also was the last. Brian's parents had forgotten about the essay when a cousin found it
while cleaning out the teenager's locker at Teary Valley
High School . Brian had been dead only hours, but his parents desperately wanted every piece of his life near them-notes from classmates and teachers, his homework.

Only two months before, he had handwritten the essay about encountering Jesus in a file room full of cards detailing every moment of the teen's life.. But it was only after Brian's death that Beth and Bruce Moore realized that their son had described his view of heaven. "It makes such an impact that people want to share it. You feel like you are there." Mr. Moore said.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen- Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moore 's framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. "I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it," Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. "I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him."

Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had verydifferent headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was, This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn' t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger",

"Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents" I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting.

Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by thequality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented. When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body.

I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.

Leaningmy forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-
pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear- filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up
and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I
saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm
around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written. You must read this to the end....it is great!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Phil. 4:13
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." Ifyou feel the same way forward it so the love of Jesus will touch their lives also. My "People I shared the gospel with" file just got bigger, how about yours?
IF THERE IS ONE EMAIL THAT I HAVE READ THAT NEEDS TO GO AROUND THE WORLD,
IT IS THIS ONE, FOR THE CHRISTIAN OR NOT! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

You don't have to share this with anybody, no one will know whether you did or not, but you will know and so will He.

My name is Jerry Blase, and this is my testimony. First I have recently began my own Ministry called "Gladiators 4 God Ministries" which is basically an alliance for those who were once lost but have found God and his beloved Son Jesus Christ. Gladiators 4 God are an army of mighty warriors who are former Misfits, Criminals, Drug users, Drug dealers, Felons, Escorts, Prostitutes, Dominatrix's, Pimps, Satanists, Witches, Occultists, Blasphemers, Abusive Husbands, Abusive wives, Bad parents, Lovers of Violence, Extortionists, Liars, Adulterers, Fornicators, and others who were once far from God and guilty of Immorality, Sin, and Rebellion.

Our ambition is to save those who are as lost as we once were, and to bring them to the greatest thing known in the universe: GOD THE HEAVENLY FATHER & JESUS CHRIST (YESHUA) HIS SON AND MESSIAH. Of course, I also believe in stretching out our hand to the hungry, the homeless, the poverty stricken, and the unfortunate. I also stand for Anti-Racism, Anti-Slavery, Anti-Child Abuse, Animal Rights & Anti-Cruelty to Animals, Preserving the Environment & Fighting Global Warming, Pro-life, and of course spreading Gods message through Evangelism. I'd like to donate more and become more involved, but the ministry is new. I do have ambitions that I seek to fulfill, and if God willing, it will happen. That is what G4G Ministries is about and wants to do.

Before I came to Christ as my Lord and Savior, I was a Satanist. Yes, I did say SATANIST. I was lost, far beyond reach, and within a dark perdition that never seen light: Only darkness, Hatred, and lack of hope, happiness, and promise. I was obsessed with and studied the Occult, Satanism, Witchcraft, Luciferianism, OTO, Theosophy, and various other occult paths, but I was a professed Satanist over all things. I was an extreme blasphemer, mocker, and hater of Christ, God, and Religion. I read many of dark areas of the Occult such as the Greater and Lesser Keys of Solomon (the Goetia), Necronomicon, Cornelius Agrippa's Three Books of Occult Philosophy, Eliphas Levi, The Golden Dawn, Traditional Satanism, Demonology, and books by Anton LaVey including his notorious Satanic Bible.

I was also an extreme fan of Satanic Heavy Metal, Death Metal, and Black Metal Music, as well Horror Punk, Hard-Core, and Industrial. I was very much a follower of Norwegian Black Metal also, which is the most extreme in it's anti-Christian propaganda and protest. In 1993, I formed my own Metal band called "Evil God Revival" which was obviously anti-Christian and relentless with Satanic lyrics and theme. I was the lead singer for the band, as well was I the lyricist. The band eventually recorded a full-length CD at Philadelphia's Sigma Studios, and it received Radio airplay on such stations in Philly as 93.3 WMMR and 94 WYSP FM on Ray Koobs Friday Night icon "Rockers" and Mel Toxics show "Loud & Local." Evil God Revival was written about and reviewed in various Fanzines, Local Ads, and Metal Mags. We even for a short time had a commercial that aired on local Cable TV in 1994. Basically, EGR was very well known in the regional area during the era of 1994-1996. We played just about every major venue that featured Metal music and we developed a big following. All along, with what seemed all good and fantastic, was the enemies message being delivered to the young people who listened to us and came to our shows. Little did I realize at the time, was I the enemies vessel in which he was using to spread his anti-Christian message, through my mouth and my song lyrics. I was even labeled as the "antichrist" before, which at the time seemed cool, but now it bothers me. I was all about offending God, playing the whole "evil" persona, and Satanic shock value. I wore inverted crosses and pentagrams around my neck, I covered both of my arms in Satanic Tattoos, and constantly wore black like I was some kind of Satanic Priest. Besides my music, I was a huge fan of such bands as Deicide, Cradle of Filth, Danzig, Dark Throne, and Morbid Angel, all of which present anti-Christian/Satanic messages in their song lyrics. I, became one of them.

Besides my experiences with Satanism and Satanic Heavy Metal, I was a transgressor in many other areas as well. Throughout the majority of my life did I always have a deep fascination with Female Dominatrix's, Fetish, and BDSM. I also during my time of exploring this lifestyle was into other things such as cross-dressing & transvestitism and various types of abnormal kink and role-play which came with the whole dominatrix fetish lifestyle, I don't know what it was that I was looking for, but I know that it did not make me happy, it made me more and more lost. With women, I was hardly ever into the more common romance with females, my twisted idea of intimacy with a female was allowing them to beat me with whips, belts, and leather straps. I was also into the trample fetish (allowing females to walk on me and brutally punish my body underfoot) and I proclaimed myself as a "sadomasochist" with a more masochistic side which "bottomed" to sadistic and more dominant females. I also had such fantasies as females cutting me with razors and letting them kick me in the face and other risky areas of my body. Basically, what I found as enjoyable was not normal but quite disturbing, I admit this. I also confess, that this is something I still struggled with after I came to Christ at first, in fact, I feared going to Church in the beginning at times, because I was disturbed by "immoral fantasies" I had, of certain female Church members inflicting some sort of physical punishment on me. Yes, I'm being honest. I am not surprised though, because the enemy will attack us where we were weak, he will play on our deepest desires and things we loved the most (or thought we loved). He will do all he can, to make you reactivate your former habits and addictions, making you want it. Do I find myself resisting these temptations and engaged in mind-battle over it? Of course I do. These are things I was obsessed with since my early teens, so of course there will be a spiritual battle over it. However, in Christ I can defeat anything, even things I desire most, I can overpower through Christ Jesus! The term "pain & pleasure" is a deception, trust me. I was an insecure, low-esteemed, and bitter individual, sad but true. A "lack of love" in my life had me reaching for something I had no idea about, I just wanted something, anything, that temporarily made me feel complete and happy with my life. People generally need outlets in their lives, usually because they lack something spiritual and nurturing for the heart, but they follow deceptions, because a deception usually looks good on the outside, but it lacks heart. If human beings would follow what is felt, as much as through what they see, they would be able to move not only mountains in their lives, but they would also move continents! This is what love is, and love cannot be found through a deception! I know this now, thanks be to God!

I also struggled much in life with all kinds of toxic emotions such as manic depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, insecurity, bitterness, anger, and a need to be loved and accepted by people. I even took medications for my depression such as Paxil and Zoloft, as well have I sessioned with many psychologists and psychotherapists throughout my life. I have a history of being depressed, being very alone, and there were several times in my life were I contemplated committing suicide. I didn't exactly have a great childhood, it was stricken by being emotionally and physically abused, being an only child for the most part, being abandoned by my Mother, and never having friends or any "roots" so to speak, because Me and my Dad moved around so much, never staying in one place to long. Trying to make new friends was always there in my face, and it was never easy being the stranger or "black sheep" all the time, in fact I hated it with a passion because it deeply effected me and made me bitter, angry, and very sad. I was one of those kids who visited counselors often, and much of my education was in Special ED classes with other kids with emotional problems and I had difficulty learning because of a short attention span and hyperactivity. As I matured more, growing up, I lived the destructive life as well, abusing alcohol, smoking pot, getting high, and making the wrong type of friends who did nothing constructive with their lives, and I became just like them. I also had my heart broken numerous times in relationships with women. Some of the relationships failed because of me, others failed not because of me, but ultimately I take responsibility for the failures because of my bad judgments, my anger issues, and my insecurities. I also never honored my parents, and I struggled with unforgiveness, bitterness, and dwelling on my past far to often, allowing it to make me constantly unhappy. Mental instability, emotional pain, constant loneliness, low self-esteem, broken heartiness, and eventually becoming a 24/7 recluse who constantly stayed in my bedroom led to me having a deep hatred against myself. I took a dreadful turn for the worst in my life in late 2002, after I had my heart broken by a woman who seriously caused me to develop all sorts of emotional and mental distress and pain. I did not even know who I was anymore! Frankly, I believe for a while, I was truthfully out of my mind and probably mentally ill. There is much more to tell about my life, before I came to Christ, my entire life was truthfully one of pain, sorrow, and emptiness. As I look back now, I realize more then ever before, that what I was always looking for in my life was love. Love is what I was looking for, but I always looked in the wrong places. But finally, in 2006, I believe I found love, and his name was Jesus Christ.

In December of 2006 (1 year ago) something happened to me, like nothing that ever happened before in my life. Literally, was I still the angry, lost Satanist one day, and then the God fearing seeker of Christ the next day......THAT QUICK! No body upon this earth can ever convince me that this was a fragment of my imagination, a new temporary faze in my life, or some type of delusion brought on by coincidence and rare but normal occurrence. I knew this was God, the true God spoken about in the Holy Bible by the ancient Jews in Israel! At the very end of December on the 30th day, my day started as anyother day. During this time, was I combating my 25 plus year addiction to cigarettes. I was always a 2 pack or more a day smoker & I was at the point where I wanted to quit but could not. I tried numerous times since 1999 and failed every time: if I stayed off of cigarettes for 3-4 days it was a feat in itself. While at my job, I finished a cigarette, and, for some reason I did not understand at the moment, did I flick it, and say to myself....I have to quit already, I will promise Jesus Christ that I wont smoke anymore. Yes, I used the name of Jesus Christ (Yeshua). I felt, that perhaps by using his name (meaning the Messiah), I wont smoke again, in fear of breaking my promise to him. Now, this is what's odd.....why would I be concerned over what Jesus Christ would think or do, if I never even cared or believed in him? All I ever did was blaspheme Jesus, and mock everything about God. Yet, I used his name to quit smoking? WHY???? Why did it concern me so much??? Where did the thought of him come from??? As my life unfolded after that day....I began to understand what was happening. Literally a day after I flicked away that cigarette, did I go to my gym that next morning, at the time I was getting back into weights and kick-boxing, and I met a guy named Shawn. I noticed him upstairs a few times, lifting weights, and doing his routine as we all were that morning. I finished my workout on the heavybag, and then called it a day, and went downstairs to clean up, get dressed & leave. In the locker room, there was Shawn again, and he said hello to me. I said hello back & we began talking about working out etc. He then asked me if I was a UFC fighter, I guess because of my size and how I train on the bag (Although I was formerly a Professional Wrestler for a time between 1989-1991 but I wont get into that in detail at this time, but its true and another part of my past). Anyway, I said no, but explained how I liked Martial arts and so on, then, he asked me if I knew Jesus Christ. At first I felt stunned, not expecting him to ask me something like that. Then my instinctive desire to get away from him tried to kick in, as I generally always was bothered by people trying to convert me so to speak. Just as I felt I was going to ask him to leave me alone.....something else made me listen to him. Rapidly did my desire for him to leave, turn into my wanting to listen to him. It almost felt like something made me listen or else! No doubt....this was meant to happen, and I was meant to listen to it! I know this for certain now! A long story short....we ended our meeting by holding hands in that locker room & my saying that I acknowledge & ask Christ to be my savior & Lord. Of course, the enemy tried to disrupt it, because a quiet locker room with only us both, turned crowded and filled with loud people not 2 seconds after we began to pray, and I was self conscious to do this in front of people at the time. But, even though distracted, I followed through. That same week I believe was when I discovered TBN. Now, I know many people are not fans of TBN, and I agree that not every Tele-evangelist is a legitimate one, but still....who are we to doubt that God doesn't use certain means to save certain people? I say that, because as I was flickering the channels on my break at work, did I come across old film footage of Billy Graham from the 1950s. Not a few seconds after I came to this broadcast, did He look at the camera, saying in a loud voice....."IF YOU WERE TO DIE RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU READY TO MEET GOD!!!!?? ARE YOU READY TO FACE HIM!!!!?? Now, this may have been not long after I met Shawn, but of course, I was still in that state of uncertainty, wondering what my life was meant to be, I guess I still had a sense of confusion within me. Then, I find this Billy Graham film, that made me filled with fear and I had to leave the room and walk around....feeling very scared. After this moment, my life continued to change at a fast pace. I suddenly became obsessed with reading the Bible, and I went to Shawn's Church. I had many questions, and was seeking the cure for my painful life.

Now, I know it wasn't Shawn or Billy Graham that made me change, it was GOD & HIS GRACE that caused all of this. Perhaps they were vessels God used, but, I know it was GOD directing me & making me come face to face with the truth! I finally discovered how critical my spiritual state was, and how lost I have always been. The convicting power of the Holy Spirit made me aware of everything, and I knew what I must do. Then of course, did the enemy attack me like never before, and did the test of faith begin, like nothing I ever would have expected. Ever since I came to Christ, did misfortune, loss, financial struggle, and all types of immense provocation inflict me. Thus far in 2007, My fathers condition worsened into a wheelchair, we survived a second floor house fire, lost our house in a foreclosure, fell into outstanding debt, suffer with a lack of money, lived through a winter with no electricity, periodically suffer with little food in my house, fell behind with our bills, lost both of our medical insurance's and life insurance's because of our financial situations, I was a victim of discrimination at my job, Left the Church I went too because they likely believed my struggles were some sort of act in order to freeload (Not the case!) It was terrible, but I stayed strong.

I also suffered the betrayal of former friends & endured a bad relationship with a woman I should never have contacted. I also learned that my Mother died on October 3rd in Illinois & I learned of this during the bitter break up with this woman I should not have bothered with. There are a few other things we went through, but these are the major hurts and struggles. All of this exploded right after I came to Christ! The miracle though, is how, despite how angry I still get, how discouraged I get, and how doubtful I feel, something makes me hold on.....I still fight to follow God, and even though my faith gets attacked, do I still fight to keep my faith. One would automatically think...."Well, this guy obviously went back to his old self"....But, I did not! I still, through all of this misfortune and trail, fight to follow Christ! Yes, I have stumbled and lost my temper numerous times, cussed with my mouth, and felt discouraged with my walk with God, I even feared becoming angry with God (I did once earlier in the year & begged for forgiveness), but, I do stop myself....going through conviction and distress for even thinking about it. With all of this, am I attacked in my mind, struggling with all kinds of things, habits, and what ever else..........but I keep pushing & pushing & pushing forward. A year ago, I likely would have given up and changed back to my former self, but now.....I insist that I keep coming to God, and praying, hoping, and following him, no matter what I go through.......STAY WITH GOD! This is what I feel, deep within me.

Now, how else does one explain all of this? I'll explain it....THERE IS IN FACT A GOD! That's how I explain it. He is real, and he does in fact act in peoples lives, I cant and will not be convinced otherwise. God is real, and so is Christ and his spirit! I also will NEVER rebel against God ever again! I will never again listen to ignorance! God is very, very real....never think for a split second that He is not! HE EXISTS! I lived through Hell and back, in the grip of the enemy as He used me as a tool to influence others in my former band with my Satanic lyrics and violent stage actions, and he caused me to loss all identity of myself, causing me to live a very lost, rage filled, self destructive life of lies, hatred of myself and others, and of life. I walked among the demons of Hell, I felt the raging torments of its fire and wrath, and I was a timebomb waiting to explode! I was a force of wrath, flaming anger, and hard heartiness, and yet, I now raise my sword high above my head and claim that: CHRIST IS LORD OF LORDS, KING OF KINGS, AND MESSIAH OF THIS EARTH!!!

Please believe my words, I am not trying to come across as some religious nutcase, typing in caps with explanation points for attention or to be self-glorifying. I just am trying to make a statement, that God can change ANYONE! I also want people to see my enthusiasm for God, and they to will have such enthusiasm if they seriously seek him! Do not believe for one split second that you are beyond Gods reach! If you truly want to find God, search for God, and LOVE God, He will reach out to you, all you have to do is believe in him, and seek him diligently, as he is a "rewarder of those who seek him diligently" and I do believe this!! God has forgiven Thieves, Drug Dealers and Prostitutes! God has forgiven Blasphemers, Murderers, and Persecutors! God has forgiven Adulterers, Fornicators, and Liars! Do not think God will not forgive you either....HE WILL! One of the greatest deceptions is when people believe they have sinned to badly to be forgiven! Get that idea out of your head & embrace God.....HE WILL EMBRACE YOU BACK! All you need to do, is mean it from your heart and to not let anything of this world change your mind! I am no better then who ever you are & God certainly does not love Me anymore then you.....HE CREATED YOU AS HE DID ME! That very same love is available to you, just as much as it was me. The Heavenly Father is real, and so is his Christ. We were created for a reason, we were created for Gods glory, to serve and be with him for ever. Believe what the Bible says, the word of God is real.

I will end it here, but this testimony I hope to share with all people, not because I want glory....I WANT NOTHING!! I just want people, to come to this great God as I am doing & to please believe in him! He exists & he will not turn you away if you truly cry out to him! I ask you, because I love you as a brother Or sister....PLEASE REACH OUT TO GOD.....HE IS THERE! PLEASE BELIEVE THAT!! You were given more then you may ever come to understand, unless you come to God. There is nothing in this universe, not of God, that can overcome you if you are in the Lord. God sent Jesus Christ because he so loved the world, and it isn't so that we all perish, but have eternal life through his Son. You are Gods creation and You also can come to know your creator, and once you know him, you will never again feel lost or without hope. If ever you have wanted to make a right choice in your life, make it now and believe in Jesus Christ and what God sent him to do. Its real, its true, and it will never fail you if you truly come to it with an opened heart.