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PE
R S O N A L
T E S T I M O N Y
This
is a wonderful story about a woman who has
been transformed by the Blood of the Lamb.
Please
read and know that in the word of God in John
8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you
will be free indeed.
We
have a Jesus that can come into your life and
change you. Once you get a touch from Him you
will never be the same.
There
were many times in my life when I could have
been dead.
My first near-death encounter was when I was
around the age of ten when my mother was married
to my step-father, Herb. Herb was an abusive
alcoholic who would chase me and my family down
the hall with an axe until I was holding on for
my dear life on the shingles of the roof to the
house. There were many nights I would hide in my
attic, lock my bedroom door with a chair behind
it. Then there was another time when he had
sexually bitten me so badly I thought I was
never going to survive to into the next day. My
mother, was very unaffectionate and unattached
to her three children.
Due
to living with an alcoholic, our lives were in
constant chaotic disaster. We moved from school
to school, as many as 2-3 times per year. There
was also a time when the court system gave my
mother an ultimatum; Herb or her kids- she chose
him. So I already felt very neglected by her
growing up. I never learned how to form
friendships. Not even with the first female I
ever knew, my mother. When you combine all of
those emotional disasters and scars, it sets up
the stage for a volatile mixture.
It
wasn’t until the age of 12 when my mother had
finally divorced him. But by then I was a pretty
messed up kid myself. I started hanging out with
other kids my age who we’re in just as bad in
shape (if not worse) than I was. I wanted to be
accepted into their group, so I shadowed
whatever they did. My friends taught me how to
roll a joint of marijuana and sniff cocaine.
They even introduced me to Budweiser’s and
cigarettes. Truthfully, I didn’t care for the
smell or taste for any of those things (I even
had to practice inhaling a cigarette in my
basement one day just to get used it), but I
just wanted to be liked no matter what kinds of
habits or drugs they were into, so I made myself
do them. Next thing I know I was getting high,
skipping school and well on my way to being a
long-term drug addict. I became sexually active
and explored teenage pornography. Yeah, life was
one big party. Then one day I got raped and
threatened with a knife, and just when I needed
my friends most nobody cared. Then I found
myself overdosing on diet pills. I wanted
desperately to have an out of body experience
and remain disoriented until my heart stopped.
Immeasurable sorrow seemed to be my only certain
destiny. Well, it didn’t take long before my
mother discovered my broken state and put me in
a rehab center. I straightened up while I was in
the center. I thought I had done a pretty good
job until I got back from a visitation with my
mom. Someone drugged the grape juice I drank
right prior to giving me my routine drug test.
Today, they have better protective policies in
place before giving a drug test. Back then, they
didn’t. Then I had to talk my way out of the
program because no one believed me, not even my
mother who was fully conscious and with me the
whole time. But the physiologists had her
doubting her eye site and memories of the night
we were together, and by the time I was
released, I was VERY angry at my mother (for
more reasons than one). I wanted to be out on my
own, out of her life forever.
That same day Herb had phoned and he offered me
a place to stay. By that time, he and my mother
had been divorced for a few years and he was
clean and sober. Somewhat skeptical, I
considered my other choices (which at that time
there were none), so I seized the opportunity
and moved into his small apartment.
He offered me the perfect opportunity; a
modeling job. Sounds good, right? Wrong!
He told me more lies and I believed them. My
step-father had made me a prostitute.
He took very good care of me. I had it all.
A fully loaded car, an expensive condo and the
best that life could afford, yet I was
miserable. Miserable under the influence of my
pimp, rapist, and role model step-father - and
he was making money off of my destruction. It
wasn't supposed to be that way with my
step-father, was it?
By the time I was able to free myself from his
grip, I started to get an attitude, because I
got sick and tired of being used by people;
everything revolved around me. MY desires. MY
wants. MY life. MY pride. I remained in the
escort business and also worked in a whorehouse.
Many times family and friends would lovingly try
to tell me that I needed to change, but I
wouldn’t hear of it. Not even for my husband.
Stepping over the puddles, I became pregnant and
gave birth to a still-born son that was
fortunate enough to be revived. I really loved
him, even more than myself. I fought kicking and
screaming while trying to work in the escort
service to support him, but there was a lot of
falls, bumps and bruises a long the way.
Eventually I ended up in the state of Illinois
with my boyfriend, Craig. I had painted this naïve
picture in my head that we would move from
Florida to Illinois and be one big happy family
while I remained in the escort service. I got my
son a babysitter for the evening, and next thing
I knew I ended up in jail. That wasn’t
supposed to happen. But no sweat, I thought, it
was my first offense. You see, on a first
offense in the USA it was considered a minor
misdemeanor. I should have been out in four
hours. I repeat: four hours. But that never
happened. Four hours turned into ten, then
twenty-four, then two days, then three, then
four. I was given no water to drink, not even a
sip! I was cold. I wasn't given a blanket and
slept on a hard wooden-like bench. That wasn’t
supposed to happen either.
I
will never forget that third night. You see, by
the time that night came, I really believed that
I was never going to get out and I thought I was
going to die from dehydration. I knew something
wrong was going on behind the system, but there
was obviously nothing that I could do about it.
For four frantic days all I knew was that my son
was at the babysitters. All I could I do was
feel completely hopeless over my situation. I
just wanted to hold him one more time and tell
him how sorry I was for being such a horrible
mother. I thought that was where my life had
ended. But that was where my life began.
God
knew all that it would take to finally break me
to bring me to my knees…. with my eyes up and
toward Heaven. I chose the road that led me into
that jail. God chose the road that led me out.
While God could forgive me, my journey was far
from over. That situation, the lifestyle
and my incapability to make mature decisions is
what eventually led to my worst fears. From
pregnancy to birth, to caring for my son - he
was 4 months old when I lost him.
Why
did I do it?
I
stayed in it because I felt that I was never
loved. I first filled that love with the
affirmation of drugs, and then I filled that
void with the affirmation of other men. And that
became the infection of the next seven years of
my life. It’s called DESTINATION DISEASE. That
was fourteen years ago, and I have never gone
back to that lifestyle since. NEVER! I’m not
going to tell you that it’s been a rose garden
since. I’ve been through a lot of peaks and
valleys.
So, my dear friend, how have I changed?
Now
I have a relationship with God, and I have a
testimony to tell you. Fourteen years later, God
has transformed the way I think. That, in a
nutshell, is a miracle. I was very stubborn! It
has now been twenty-three years since I have had
any involvement with drugs, sixteen years since
I've been out of the escort service, fourteen
years since I told my side client that it was
over for good, and nine years since I've quit
smoking!! I have been married for thirteen
years, and he's a Christian man! God blessed me
with three more beautiful children with my
husband that I have previously home schooled
(wow, what a difference it is to be able to
raise children with knowing who the father
really is and without the worry of the lifestyle
of prostitution). I've worked legitimate
jobs ever since, and I have amassed a stable
work history in the past with promotions into
other departments. I am also now a published
Author of three books. One of my great
successors was Pumping Breast Milk Successfully.
Imagine that? A former prostitute who once
couldn't even care for her son let alone cook,
matures to eventually breastfeed for 28 months
and inspires thousands of breastfeeding mothers
in the process. Jesus was the one that made me
want to change, He's the one that set me free!
It's been an exciting journey!
We
now live in Bible belt Tennessee. My obsession
with money, men and pride has been replaced by
humility and a commitment to a life of service.
Ministering and making a difference in the lives
of others suits me much better than having the
elegance of all that life could afford in the
escort service. And I much prefer helping
prostitutes over a smelly, heavy drunk pounding
on top of my body any day.
When
I reflect back, I can’t believe that other
person was me. But it WAS me! God took the
drugs, the pain, the broken dreams and dead end
streets and turned them into rainbows. If God
could forgive me and take me from where I came
from, he could do it for you to. If you bring
all your trash to Jesus, He’ll take it and
turn it into something good. It doesn’t matter
how bad you think your trash smells, whatever
you’ve done, or whether you think you deserve
it or not, He’ll clean it up and give you a
whole new life.
The
Bible says that “All of us have sinned and
fall short of God’s glory. Because Jesus came
as our sacrifice, He freely accepts us and sets
us free from our sins” (Romans 3:23-24 CEM)
The
Bible also says that “That if you confess with
your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and
believe in your heart that God raised him from
the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9 NIV)
Jesus
says “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No
one comes through the father except through
me”
What
about you? Are you where you’d thought you’d
be in life? I never thought I’d be where I am
in mine. None of that stuff was suppose to
happen. Now I’m 38. Yeah, I’ve had a rough
life. There were many times when I could have
been dead, and other times when I wanted to take
my life but you know what? I wouldn’t trade it
for the world! In fact, I’m grateful for it.
I’d rather be broken and healed than selfish
and doomed for Hell. Jesus is the real thing,
the only thing. Just give it up. The pride, the
games- you won’t surprise Him. The Bible
clearly states that God has plenty of mercy for
everyone. Psalms 86:5 says, " O, Lord, you
are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of
unfailing love for all who ask your aid."
You’ve seen a small glimpse of His forgiveness
in me, and that doesn’t even scratch the
surface. Let him turn your life into a life
worth living. All you have to do---all you have
to do--- is ask.
http://www.susanstafford.com/
If
you want to know more about Susan please feel
free to go to her website. |
